Comments on: Another Question About All This Protection

By: Theresa

Theresa — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 14:17:25 +0000

I just hate this Joy. I had a girlfriend once who for whatever reason had never been adopted, even though she had been taken away from her mother when she was a toddler. She spent her entire life in foster care. When she was in her early 20’s she got her entire case file. No one said boo about ‘protecting’ her from any ugly truths in her records.

It’s only with the magic of adoption that those who were adopted after foster care suddenly are seen as too fragile and/or dangerous to know our truths.

I got really emotional when you wrote about your adoptive mom’s advice and your reaction to it. I remember when my son was a baby getting furious, just irrationally livid, at her advice, no matter how benign. And each and every time too.

By: joyjoy

joyjoy — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 08:18:34 +0000

Thank you for your caring all of you

By: suz

suz — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 16:10:11 +0000

Ugh. Thank you may not be an approprite comment but I do thank you. You routinely validate that I am doing the right things. I do know (but she doesnt) who fostered my daughter (although I was told she would never be). I have pictures of her during that time (recently acquired) and if it ever meant anything to her I could introduce her. (Interestingly, the family that fostered my daughter adopted from the same agency. Her adopted daughter found me, I then found her first mom for her, reunited them and during his process we learned that her adopters had fostered my daughter. Freaky shit).

But again, thank you as always for sharing. It makes me a better mother in reunion.

By: justenjoyhim

justenjoyhim — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 16:08:40 +0000

It is very strange to be told your own life is none of your business.

Indeed.

The very thought takes my breath away. Not in a good way either.

I continue to fail to understand why this very simple concept of needing to know one’s origins — not wanting but NEEDING is beyond people who are supposedly intelligent and well-educated.

If the technology were there to erase all remnants of their records, erase any of their parents’ and relatives’ memories of their beginnings, I wonder if they would think differently about it???

By: imtina

imtina — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 14:38:16 +0000

Joy,

Wow, so much in this post.

“My reaction seems too strong to me to just be a matter of differing parenting styles.”

I think you’re right and that it’s worth delving into, painful as it may be. I know that you mention being in Northern California. Have you heard of Amy Jane Cheney? She works with people on these very issues. She’s wonderful. Her website is her name with no spaces .com She’s in San Francisco. I worked with her in the 90’s and it was very healing. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that your curiosity and need to know about your first few weeks is totally natural and real, no matter how irritated and bored others are by your request. How wonderful that you’ve figured out who that social worker is. You’ll approach her when all is right for you.

Tina

By: Margie

Margie — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 13:45:41 +0000

Hey, Joy, long time no visit!

When I read this I feel my blood pressure rising. This, in particular:

“She can’t tell me, she can’t even tell me what Ca. code prevents me from having my records. ”

makes me want to go break some glass. I wonder how many absolutely illegal adoption practices are in place because agency staff don’t really know the law and can get away with breaking it? Kind of a twist on knowing a lousy law and supporting it. Either way, the truth is screwed.

Actually, I don’t wonder, I know but just can’t prove it.

(((Hugs))) to you!!