My 10 things

Many people are doing the circus or whatever its called about adoption.

How they were “touched” hmmmm, yes. I was touched so to speak, in a place where no one was supposed to touch me as a very little child.

So here goes:

1. You are not responsible for all the parents in your life’s feelings. They have problems, they are going to involve you in, but they need to take care of themselves. Don’t try to heal them.

2. Your feelings are legitimate. It doesn’t matter if all adoptees feel the way you do or no adoptees feel the way you do. You have every right to experience your own feelings without being invalidated by your family. They will do this, all of them. You have no allies here. Don’t risk it.

3. You were abandoned, but you are not being abandoned right now. You can never be abandoned as a newborn again, of course you thought you were in a life or death situation, you were. That isn’t happening anymore. You are a capable person now who has enough resources to take care of herself. No matter who abandons you now, you will be alright. Remember that in all your relationships.

4. Your birthday is going to suck. Don’t even try, you don’t have to partcipate the bizarre weirdness of celeberating the anniversary of the worst day of your life every year. It is okay to skip it.

5. You need the support of people like you, seek them out. People with your interests your likes, your prediclictions. They exist and you will love them when you find them.

6. This is going to impact every aspect of your life, but don’t take it out on others. Realize where your destructive behavior stems from and withdraw when you have to, but don’t lash out and don’t abandon your responsibilities. This will cause more problems than it solves.

7. Art makes every day life bearable when times are tough and trancsendent when its good.

8. You have as much right to be here as any cricket, star or tree, don’t let anyone talk you out of that—they will try.

9. Your mother who gave you away, and your mother who took you in, neither of them are going to be able to handle this. I can’t overemphasize the self-protection thing here.

10. Your ability to love is going to save your life. Always remember there is much more reward in loving than being loved.