We do. This occurred to me yesterday for the first time really.
I was having a discussion about compromise with a large powerful religious organization who is anti-adoptee rights to our own personal information.
I started in my normal calm way of thinking and discussing this matter. I was going to point out that we are not “partners” in this with the Catholics, you know this isn’t an agreement that we made with them and we have to give a little and they have to give a little . We are not partners with a common goal. We don’t have to be fair or consider them. ( I realize that those dealing with them probably have a very different take on their motivations) but that in fact we are a class of people that have been discriminated against.
So instead of making this seasoned reasoned argument, I said instead something to the effect of “Fcuk Compromise, we deserve a goddammed apology” and then it didn’t stand out enough so I added a 70 point font.
It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen when I was done.
It made me wonder though, why aren’t we asking for this?
Why are we playing so nice with the specious argument of “birth mother” privacy. What a crock that is. If anyone is so naive to believe in it. Trust me no other laws are written to protect the weak. Ever read employment law? The lawmakers are influenced by money and power not the disenfranchised.
How ridiculous, and please while I do have sympathy for any person who has difficulties in their lives, and that would be pretty much anyone– I am not the beast of that burden.
There really is no nexus between whatever trauma my mother experienced in her life and my identity. That is an invention to protect agencies and attorneys. Otherwise why is where I was fostered protected under the guise of my mother’s privacy?
Most people experience trauma in their lives, one of my good friends super-genius dad was killed by the CIA when she was 8. It turned her idyllic privileged world on its ear. Where is the government intervention for her protecting her from her own life? What about soldiers who have combat-shock? Are they not allowed to contact each other by government order when they return home? After all they may engender difficult memories.
Is there any evidence in any other arena that suggests that good mental health results from lying about one’s life? This flies in the face of conventional wisdom.
Are we willing to let state legislators make decisions about our emotional well-being, personal life, and privacy? Why are they considered qualified?
Adoptees as a class have been discriminated through no self-selected behavior. We have been wronged, stigmatized. We have been burdened with a shame that doesn’t belong to us.
I want to say, dear Catholic Church, take your shame, shove it up in your ass and rub it around a little. I am not the cover for your sins.
Get out of the way, give me my own birth certificate and a very public apology from the state of California. I deserve it.
In other news I have recently discovered early Adam Ant is grossly underrated, at least by me.
Posted by Trish on November 6, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Rock on, Joy. I am only just recently awakening from my adoption denial, and I thank you for your honesty…and I’m with you on the Adam Ant. “Strip” was the first album I ever purchased in CD form.:-)
Posted by Mara on November 7, 2009 at 3:52 am
Now you’re just the kind of person I want talking to my California legislators, not some mamby-pamby self-rightous compromiser who claims to speak for us.
Posted by joy21 on November 7, 2009 at 5:04 am
ty Trish.
I must admit the line, “It is times like these when Heaven knows , we wish we had….not so many clothes” makes me chuckle.
and thanks Mara and right back atcha.
Posted by Margie on November 7, 2009 at 9:05 pm
This Catholic apologizes, even if the Catholics you were having this discussion with might consider it a cause for excommunication. There is no theological or moral reason to connect the opening of adoptee birth records with support for abortion, and Catholics who continue to make that connection pervert the Church’s demand for truth and justice.
Posted by joy21 on November 7, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Margie,
I think it would be awesome if you or any other Catholic reading this contacted Catholic Charities and told them how you feel about this miscarriage of justice they are supporting.
Suprisingly, sealed birth certificates may be the one injustice I haven’t seen supported by a Bible verse.
Posted by Margie on November 7, 2009 at 11:58 pm
I should have done that already, and will.
Where or with whom did the discussion take place? I ask not to be nosy, but to point out that there are a lot of Catholics, including the clergy, who THINK they know the Church’s teachings on something, but don’t. The Catholic catechism’s teaching on abortion make no reference to adoption; there’s actually only one reference to adoption in the catechsim, and referenced as a possible act of generosity to abandoned (the reference is specific) children. Catholics who believe that the Church’s teaching on abortion DEMANDS asupport for closed records are dangerously misinformed. Unfortunately, they’re misinformed in large numbers, which is going to make it very hard to get them to step out of their ideology and see the truth.
Posted by joy21 on November 8, 2009 at 2:11 am
Try these people:
http://www.catholiccharitiescamden.org/
they claim to be for Justice for All
and thanks!
Posted by Margie on November 8, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Thanks. For a minute I thought that was the one involved in the reunion mixup, but that was Trenton. That was horrible.
One thing to bear in mind: Although CC offices operate as individual agencies, they roll up to Catholic Charities USA, which is headquartered down the street from where I live. There’s a list of their staff here http://www.catholiccharitiesusa.org/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=707, and I’m thinking a call to one of the policy analysts might be a good first step toward opening some eyes.
I’ll give them a call, and will keep you posted.
Posted by joy21 on November 8, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Thanks Margie.
I am sure if anyone can figure out who to call you can. I eagerly await your news.
Posted by addiepray on November 10, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Margie will do it, because she’s Margie.
And yeah, I never entered into any agreement either.
Posted by dadwhowrites on November 13, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Me neither. The only reason i ever tracked down my birth mother was because she and her family, having changed their minds very quickly, left contact details with the agency and checked in with them regularly for twenty years! My file, however, with all the information that might have been in it, went ‘missing’ around the time I was adopted. Catholic hierarchy. If it was on fire, I’d pour gasoline on it etc…
Posted by joy21 on November 14, 2009 at 5:34 am
I think you meant this comment to go on the adoption pictures one.
So good to see you here
Posted by joy21 on November 14, 2009 at 5:34 am
P.S. make sure to alert me if you write more adoption posts. love them.
Posted by Kippa on November 14, 2009 at 2:10 am
ITA, but just want to say that before there was Adam Ant, there was Adam Adamant
Posted by joy21 on November 14, 2009 at 4:25 am
Excellent, who doesn’t love a man in a cape?